3.5.10

RAW

I have a close friend that came into my life and brought lots of sunshine.  He eats a raw food diet and has for well, four years.  Recently I have started reading more about it and listening to my body in regards to how it feels about this type of diet and lifestyle.  I am not convinced just yet that I should be 100% raw at this time but I plan to at least start reading more about it and looking into menu options and food ideas.





It has been my experience that anything from the norm turns into negative criticism and sarcasm, just as this  type of diet would.  But, it would not be much different that anything and everything else I have done so far in this lifetime.  As far as I am concerned, anything that's more than eating at the Outback every Friday night, not listening to the same radio pop music that everyone else does, not watching the Real World and MTV has opened my eyes and led me to a deeper, more spiritual part of myself.  Sometimes I look at Jeremy and I say, why cant I be oblivious?  Why can't I be one of those people who are content with not knowing, not seeking, not searching?   Maybe that would be easier.  Maybe not.


So for now I descend into this food journey.  I want to feel healthier.  I want to not worry about where I will be an hour after eating sushi because the rice makes me sleepy.  I don't want to have such extreme high's and low's.  I don't want to be a part of the modern "sick" outlook on medicine and health.  I want to know my body is happy.  i don't want to have to take a pill so a meal I am about to eat will not hurt my tummy.  I want to live.  I want my body to feel and I want to be able to listen to what it's trying to tell me.  I don't want to conform.  I don't want to buy things and dress a certain way because someone tells me I should and I certainly do not want an iPhone.


This could be interesting.  


20.4.10

Photo of the Day...

I decided to start a project. "Photo of the Day" and you can see it here on Flickr:


I decided not to post them here on my Blog because that's just extra work. I am going to try and get a fresh, new picture up every day for 365 days! I am not going to become one of those people that blog the same exact thing that is on their website. I understand how that could work as double marketing technique but in the words of Gob Bluth "COME ON!"

Also!! My website is almost done! Check it out here:


We are still working on it but have been so busy lately that it's taking a bit longer than expected. I am really grateful for Justin for helping me (okay, he did most of it) create this masterpiece! Justin:


He is a master of all things font and website-y.

14.4.10

The Top 30 Things You Would Hate About Me

1. I am stubborn.
2. I have a temper. (fire sign)
3. Will use sharp, cutting wit as needed.
4. If, while driving, someone does something that I don't like, I let them know.
5. I can smell every little thing and will let you know each time I don't like what I smell.
6. I don't like very many funny movies. (I think Fargo is a comedy)
7. If you tell me not to do something I will do it twice.
8. I get hot easily. I get cold easily.
9. I am very honest.
10. The lighting in some places makes me "feel weird", so I leave.
11. I can sit in front of a computer all day.
12. When I am hungry I get crazy. No, seriously. Crazy.
13. My patience is sometimes very limited.
14. I hate bars and do not go in them.
15. I need a lot of alone time.
16. I don't like to talk on the phone.
17. I don't fly.
18. I have motion sickness.
19. I can fixate on one thing for days.
20. I am constantly thinking and will say random things at strange times.
21. It's been said I psycho-analyze everything.
22. I don't have a lot of girlfriends because girls are catty and emotional.
23. I like to travel alone.
24. I have a weird social phobia.
25. If we are in the car and you sneeze, I will roll the window down to let the germs out.
26. I am cautious.
27. If I see pretty wildflowers on the side of the road or highway I will stop and pick them.
28. I hear everything and if I cannot identify the sound we will have a problem until I figure it out.
29. I can eat the same thing for three months, then change it for the next three.
30. I love crime shows.



3.4.10

Good enough

My father went into the hospital on Valentines Day and was diagnosed with cancer that week.









Since then I have been doing a lot of thinking. What am I doing? Where am I going? Is my chosen profession really the one I should be in? Is my father going to die? Will he make it through the radiation and chemo? Am I doing enough? Should I spend more time at home with my family? Am I going to feel lonely when I get old? Who will take care of me when I get sick? Am I good enough?




Photography is my medium. I tried most of them during high school and in college but I keep coming back to photography. It's been the only thing that's gotten me through this deeply reflective and deeply poignant time. My dad had a dark room when I was a teenager and I used to mess around in it with him. I always loved his images and he has a great eye.





For many years I told myself I wasn't good enough. I compared myself to other photographers. I couldn't do what they could in Photoshop. My camera equipment was never good enough. My website wouldn't be that good. I need more models. I don't have enough images to create a website. Etc...etc...etc.






So, with a little encouragement and positive self-talk I decided to go through with it. I am in the process of creating a website (with some help from a friend). In the last two weeks I have taken photos of 4 couples and 3 individuals. I learned how to use Photoshop and perfect my images the way I wanted to and because of this have gained a lot of confidence.





If it weren't for my sadness, my anger and my self-reflection, I would not have gotten this far in such a short amount of time. Thanks, Dad.




















































17.3.10

Top 10 Things that piss me off. Keep in mind that this is by no means an exhaustive list.

When people say “people are stupid”. Really? Can you elaborate on that please because my definition of stupid probably isn’t yours. As a matter of fact, I think you’re stupid. Ohhhh take that. Don’t care? Exactly. Just like I don’t care you think people are generally stupid. Go away now.


People that take two parking spaces. Hello, douche bag! Entitled much? Get over yourself. There’s more to life than a scratch on your vehicle.

taken from some shitty website

Seeing this sticker on the road: WATCH FOR MOTORCYCLES. You know what? I’ll watch for motorcycles as soon as they do the following:

Watch for cars.
Realize they take their lives into their own hands when they ride on the road with that tiny vehicle and it isn’t my job to “look out” for them especially.
Wear a helmet, moron.
Don’t use the emergency lane for their own personal lane in heavy traffic.
Don’t use long, empty stretches of road as their personal racetrack.

take from watchoutforcars.com


People that are on their cell phone while driving and are obviously distracted. This one is pretty obvious. Are you that bored while driving? Not enough stimulus for you? Or, is it that you are sooo important that you HAVE to answer your phone while operating a motor vehicle. It’s DANGEROUS moron. Stop it.

techgadgets.in

People that don’t use their blinker. Does your finger hurt? Can’t take that 1/3 of a second to let the rest of us know what’s on your mind? After all we have other things to do rather than to watch out for your erratic driving. Like, look out for motorcycles.


Indie/scene kids that have to identify themselves as vegan and anti-everything. Stop that. You are just like the rest of us. And while your at it, try wearing some jeans that fit. You all look like twins which makes you, I don’t know...NOT DIFFERENT than everyone else.

scene kids looking the same

People that constantly bitch about every part of their life yet stay in the situation that causes them misery. You know what? I don’t want to hear your bullshit anymore. Change something or stop bitching to me about it. Thanks because I am really sick of hearing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and...


People that “party” ALL the time. You annoy the rest of us that are moving along in our emotional and psychological development. Could you keep your childish, obnoxious behavior to yourself? Yeah. I doubt it too.

some drunk morons website

People that drink imported water. Here’s my idea for you. Buy one bottle of that high carbon footprint, pointless water and then recycle it. Buy local water and impress everyone else with your imported bottle! Brilliant!

13.3.10

Born Under A Bad Sign?

Let's talk about astrology.


There are many ways of learning about people. After all of the research I have done, the personality assessments I have completed on myself and given to others, and the things I have learned about personality and development in my graduate classes, I have come to the conclusion that the core of one's being truly comes down to one's sign and it's influencing planets.


I decided to conduct my own investigation whilst taking advantage of co-workers, friends and family as my guinea-pigs. Don't worry, it was harmless. Basically all I needed was their birthdate, birth year and time of birth. It's important to complete a natal chart in order to see exactly what other planets and signs are influencing you. You can get one for free here: http://alabe.com/freechart/ As for me, I am influenced by 6 fire signs, 4 air signs, and 2 water signs.


Earth.Air.Fire.Water.
Image from Deviantart.com/carlchua

Here is what I have derived about each sign from observation and my own research, the not-so-pretty sides of our signs. Of course the propensity of one to be the worst that she or he can be has to do with maturity which, for some signs seems virtually impossible to obtain. And now, for my completely biased assessment of the 12 astrological signs.

The boring, stable signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

If you are a Taurus, you are more than likely pretty stable. You don't like to take a lot of chances which makes you somewhat dull. Also, the animal that represents your sign is the bull. So, you have horns and are stubborn, inflexible and unoriginal. Also, you are in negative polarity which means you get to join the ranks of Debbie Downer. Thanks. From the rest of us.

If you are a Virgo, you are more than likely highly critical and opinionated. Your sign is also one of negative polarity. You are the ones writing letters to newspapers complaining about everything and anything at all and walking around with your head down wondering why the world seems so depressing. There is no gray area with you Virgo, only black and white. *yawns* conventional and perfectionistic. Give your kids a break for God's sake. They have lives of their own you know.

If you are a Capricorn, you are *sighs* practical and prudent. Misery and pessimism are your two right-hand men as you are another negatively aligned sign. You are a goat serious Capricorn. You seem to me to be Gemini's twin in a way. Your sign kinda feels bi-polar to me. I guess out of all the Earth signs, you may have some of the best qualities which makes you a bit more tolerable in the long run.

The non-emotional, aloof, self-centered "showy" signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

My dear Gemini, you sure are something aren't you? All those smarts and all of those shiny things you like to show off. I do enjoy your sense of humor but I am really put off by your emotional immaturity and the complete level of mastery you have obtained in not taking anything serious, ever. Not to mention you are the most likely to cheat on your mate of all the signs. My dear Gemini, grass isn't always greener on the other side. It can be just as pretty as you want it, on your side of the fence. Good luck with that. The sign of the twin, what more can I say, Sybil?

My dear Libra, oh self-indulgent indecisive one. You are so much fun to be around for a small amount of time. You are also the only inanimate sign on the zodiac, the scales, and I don't even know where to begin with that one. You do love pleasure don't you scales? And God forbid someone ask you to get your hands dirty. I really like Libra's because they are artistic and can always come up with something interesting to talk about. You are my favorite of all the air signs.

My dear Aquarius, you are also amazing. Just ask you. Another thing you are is addicted. Addicted to sex, addicted to money, drugs, etc. You could place an E-Harmony add for the most self-centered, egotistical and self-UNaware sign of the zodiac. I like how cute it is that you have strong options about things but do you have any substance to back it up? Like Gemini you are cool and detached. How's that working for you? You are like the sparkly, most-expensive diamond of the zodiac. Everyone wants it but nobody can have it. Come down off your high horse and join the ranks of us common folk occasionally. If anything you can learn a little more about how ignorant we are before you ascend again.

The spastic, non-committal, loud opinionated signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Lovely Aries. One of the two signs I am generally annoyed by, the other being Scorpio. Aries like to be the center of attention. Arrogant and apathetic unless it's something that involves them. Quite showy yourself, you like to stick with tradition just to show you can do it, but deep inside you long for freedom. In a crowded room, the person likely to be the loudest is Aries. Oh, and you are the Ram, selfish and quick-tempered. At least you are aligned with a positive sign and don't walk around with a cloud over your head. Did I mention self-centered?

Lovely Leo. My favorite of all the fire signs. I want to mention first that the Leo is the lion. What do we think of when we think of lions? I see a big manly lion prancing around taking charge of it's domain and whoa to anyone that gets in the way. Leo's are the overachievers of the zodiac. They are usually pretty positive, although pompous and bossy to their minions and anyone else that doesn't meet with the ranks of royalty. Domineering (although you will pretend you are not) and insanely arrogant (although you will deny this as well). Watch out for the little people when you are bulldozing your way to greatness.

Lovely Sagittarius. The first thing I think about when it comes to this sign is the centaur that represents the sign. He walks around with a bow and arrow shooting his truth arrows. What does that tell us? Sag can be full of tactless insight but can't help but keep dishing it out. What? With an endless supply of arrows they have to do something with them. How about a little patience, Sag? Not everyone is a spastic lunatic that can process in light speed. And, those ideas you have are great but how about actually following them through? Restless, anxious and prone to fiery rages, take a chill pill man. Do you really think you are single because you haven't found the right person? I am afraid, lovely Sag., that is actually your lack of commitment. Chew on that one for a while.

The co-dependent, depressive addicted signs: Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer
Sweet Scorpio. There really isn't much sweet about you is there? You are the most ego driven of all the zodiac. Interesting you are a water sign since you can live in the desert, where nobody else can live. After all, you are a...scorpion. You have a pincher don't you? Readily available for your use whenever someone gets in your way up the ladder. It is your ladder after all. Since you are a water sign you can tap into those emotions pretty easily which means you can go from being a blubbery mess to being in a rage the next. Since you are (and this is totally beyond me) easily hurt, you will probably want to pinch me after reading this but you know it's all true. Be honest scorpio, how many people have you discarded on your way to the top? Charles Manson was a Scorpio. Need I say more?

Sweet Cancer. And you are sweet aren't you cancer? You get in your own way don't you? All the domestic responsibilities that you would love to shirk but you don't. There's always a deeply depressed side to you that not a lot of people see. Let's see, you are a crab. Hard on the outside (with pinchers) and soft on the inside. Moody and clingy just like a crab eating a shrimp on the end of my fishing pole. You don't let go do you cancer? I will have to say that I do love a Cancer. All of that dark, depressive energy is usually channelled into something creative and artistic. But just how often as that eternally romantic side landed you in trouble?

Sweet sweet Pisces. There hasn't been another sign that can infuriate me and excite any more that you. You are, after all, a fish and I am half horse and half human so sometimes I wish I had that calm, peaceful demeanor. And if you really think about it, it's not one fish it's two and they are swimming opposite directions. Inner turmoil much? You take the zodiac cake on being an escapist. Can we say secretive and indulgent much? Many Pisceans have fell victim to the bottle. You are indeed sweet and caring, but only when you want to be, not when anyone asks you to be. Your dream job is pirate isn't it? When will everyone realize you really do know everything? And aside from that, stop criticizing you! *tear* One more thing Pisces, it's called a budget. Google it.

3.3.10

50 Secrets

You should listen to this:
while reading this...

1. Sometimes when I am by myself I dance.
2. I get anxious when I sleep alone and I have to give myself pep talks in order to sleep.
3. I am terrified of flying. The last time I flew I got off the plane, fell to the ground and sobbed. I never flew again.
4. I don't pay attention to the details. As soon as I grasp the big picture I move on.
5. Sometimes I think I will never be happy in a career.
6. Some people think I am a conduit. I think it's a burden.
7. I get sad in the winter months and I wonder if it will consume the rest of them.
8. I'm shy.
9. I am not the person I used to be.
10. My mother says my sister and I act like only children.
11. I am closer to my cousin than anyone else on the planet.
12. I dislike reading fiction.
13. I remember every moment I laughed until I cried.
14. It's easy for me to say no. It didn't used to be.
15. Sometimes when people call I don't answer the phone.
16. I hate cold weather. I hate hot weather.
17. People that drink to cope drive me crazy though I understand the appeal.
18. I loathe returning things or calling people I don't know.
19. I would make a bad nurse because I am not comfortable around sick people.
20. I've always know I would never be a parent.
21. Men should always pay for dinner.
22. People who buy the cheapest thing, just because it's the cheapest thing, bug me.
23. I can be critical and intolerant.
24. I believe our astrological signs are fundamental to who we are. Prove me wrong and I might change my mind.
25. I am a person who follows through and I expect the same from others. If you say you are going to do something, do it.
26. I spend most of my time alone.
27. I didn't know I am a perfectionist until my photography was accepted into a gallery and didn't put my work in it because I thought it wasn't good enough.
28. I've been generally sad since my father was diagnosed with cancer and can't quite shake it.
29. I love my parents but they usually disappoint me.
30. I eat a vegetarian diet.
31. My favorite thing on Earth is watching a plant grow.
32. If there is anyone I hate, it's a bully. And loud people.
33. I cry easily.
34. I pick up languages easily. My favorite language is Arabic.
35. I usually do the opposite of what people want me to do. Especially if they tell me I should do it.
36. My family always told me I was born in the wrong era.
37. Sometimes I think of "him" and wonder why he doesn't call me.
38. I used to want to be a nun.
39. Maybe I am not as different as people say I am.
40. People fall in love with me easily.
41. I believe there is a reason for everything. I used to think it was all chaos.
42. Most 80's music gives me the serious creeps.
43. I have always wanted dreadlocks but don't want to come across as a dirty hippy.
44. I wish my boobs were smaller.
45. I am a fire sign. I generally have a positive outlook on life.
46. I like to see movies alone.
47. Someday I will not be here and these words will.
48. I don't believe there is a Heaven or Hell.
49. I always said I would marry the person that makes me laugh. I lied.
50. I have never been on a motorcycle.

And end with this: