Born Under A Bad Sign?

Let's talk about astrology.

There are many ways of learning about people. After all of the research I have done, the personality assessments I have completed on myself and given to others, and the things I have learned about personality and development in my graduate classes, I have come to the conclusion that the core of one's being truly comes down to one's sign and it's influencing planets.

I decided to conduct my own investigation whilst taking advantage of co-workers, friends and family as my guinea-pigs. Don't worry, it was harmless. Basically all I needed was their birthdate, birth year and time of birth. It's important to complete a natal chart in order to see exactly what other planets and signs are influencing you. You can get one for free here: http://alabe.com/freechart/ As for me, I am influenced by 6 fire signs, 4 air signs, and 2 water signs.

Image from Deviantart.com/carlchua

Here is what I have derived about each sign from observation and my own research, the not-so-pretty sides of our signs. Of course the propensity of one to be the worst that she or he can be has to do with maturity which, for some signs seems virtually impossible to obtain. And now, for my completely biased assessment of the 12 astrological signs.

The boring, stable signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

If you are a Taurus, you are more than likely pretty stable. You don't like to take a lot of chances which makes you somewhat dull. Also, the animal that represents your sign is the bull. So, you have horns and are stubborn, inflexible and unoriginal. Also, you are in negative polarity which means you get to join the ranks of Debbie Downer. Thanks. From the rest of us.

If you are a Virgo, you are more than likely highly critical and opinionated. Your sign is also one of negative polarity. You are the ones writing letters to newspapers complaining about everything and anything at all and walking around with your head down wondering why the world seems so depressing. There is no gray area with you Virgo, only black and white. *yawns* conventional and perfectionistic. Give your kids a break for God's sake. They have lives of their own you know.

If you are a Capricorn, you are *sighs* practical and prudent. Misery and pessimism are your two right-hand men as you are another negatively aligned sign. You are a goat serious Capricorn. You seem to me to be Gemini's twin in a way. Your sign kinda feels bi-polar to me. I guess out of all the Earth signs, you may have some of the best qualities which makes you a bit more tolerable in the long run.

The non-emotional, aloof, self-centered "showy" signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

My dear Gemini, you sure are something aren't you? All those smarts and all of those shiny things you like to show off. I do enjoy your sense of humor but I am really put off by your emotional immaturity and the complete level of mastery you have obtained in not taking anything serious, ever. Not to mention you are the most likely to cheat on your mate of all the signs. My dear Gemini, grass isn't always greener on the other side. It can be just as pretty as you want it, on your side of the fence. Good luck with that. The sign of the twin, what more can I say, Sybil?

My dear Libra, oh self-indulgent indecisive one. You are so much fun to be around for a small amount of time. You are also the only inanimate sign on the zodiac, the scales, and I don't even know where to begin with that one. You do love pleasure don't you scales? And God forbid someone ask you to get your hands dirty. I really like Libra's because they are artistic and can always come up with something interesting to talk about. You are my favorite of all the air signs.

My dear Aquarius, you are also amazing. Just ask you. Another thing you are is addicted. Addicted to sex, addicted to money, drugs, etc. You could place an E-Harmony add for the most self-centered, egotistical and self-UNaware sign of the zodiac. I like how cute it is that you have strong options about things but do you have any substance to back it up? Like Gemini you are cool and detached. How's that working for you? You are like the sparkly, most-expensive diamond of the zodiac. Everyone wants it but nobody can have it. Come down off your high horse and join the ranks of us common folk occasionally. If anything you can learn a little more about how ignorant we are before you ascend again.

The spastic, non-committal, loud opinionated signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Lovely Aries. One of the two signs I am generally annoyed by, the other being Scorpio. Aries like to be the center of attention. Arrogant and apathetic unless it's something that involves them. Quite showy yourself, you like to stick with tradition just to show you can do it, but deep inside you long for freedom. In a crowded room, the person likely to be the loudest is Aries. Oh, and you are the Ram, selfish and quick-tempered. At least you are aligned with a positive sign and don't walk around with a cloud over your head. Did I mention self-centered?

Lovely Leo. My favorite of all the fire signs. I want to mention first that the Leo is the lion. What do we think of when we think of lions? I see a big manly lion prancing around taking charge of it's domain and whoa to anyone that gets in the way. Leo's are the overachievers of the zodiac. They are usually pretty positive, although pompous and bossy to their minions and anyone else that doesn't meet with the ranks of royalty. Domineering (although you will pretend you are not) and insanely arrogant (although you will deny this as well). Watch out for the little people when you are bulldozing your way to greatness.

Lovely Sagittarius. The first thing I think about when it comes to this sign is the centaur that represents the sign. He walks around with a bow and arrow shooting his truth arrows. What does that tell us? Sag can be full of tactless insight but can't help but keep dishing it out. What? With an endless supply of arrows they have to do something with them. How about a little patience, Sag? Not everyone is a spastic lunatic that can process in light speed. And, those ideas you have are great but how about actually following them through? Restless, anxious and prone to fiery rages, take a chill pill man. Do you really think you are single because you haven't found the right person? I am afraid, lovely Sag., that is actually your lack of commitment. Chew on that one for a while.

The co-dependent, depressive addicted signs: Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer
Sweet Scorpio. There really isn't much sweet about you is there? You are the most ego driven of all the zodiac. Interesting you are a water sign since you can live in the desert, where nobody else can live. After all, you are a...scorpion. You have a pincher don't you? Readily available for your use whenever someone gets in your way up the ladder. It is your ladder after all. Since you are a water sign you can tap into those emotions pretty easily which means you can go from being a blubbery mess to being in a rage the next. Since you are (and this is totally beyond me) easily hurt, you will probably want to pinch me after reading this but you know it's all true. Be honest scorpio, how many people have you discarded on your way to the top? Charles Manson was a Scorpio. Need I say more?

Sweet Cancer. And you are sweet aren't you cancer? You get in your own way don't you? All the domestic responsibilities that you would love to shirk but you don't. There's always a deeply depressed side to you that not a lot of people see. Let's see, you are a crab. Hard on the outside (with pinchers) and soft on the inside. Moody and clingy just like a crab eating a shrimp on the end of my fishing pole. You don't let go do you cancer? I will have to say that I do love a Cancer. All of that dark, depressive energy is usually channelled into something creative and artistic. But just how often as that eternally romantic side landed you in trouble?

Sweet sweet Pisces. There hasn't been another sign that can infuriate me and excite any more that you. You are, after all, a fish and I am half horse and half human so sometimes I wish I had that calm, peaceful demeanor. And if you really think about it, it's not one fish it's two and they are swimming opposite directions. Inner turmoil much? You take the zodiac cake on being an escapist. Can we say secretive and indulgent much? Many Pisceans have fell victim to the bottle. You are indeed sweet and caring, but only when you want to be, not when anyone asks you to be. Your dream job is pirate isn't it? When will everyone realize you really do know everything? And aside from that, stop criticizing you! *tear* One more thing Pisces, it's called a budget. Google it.


  1. Awww, that made me smile. Im a Capricorn. Very true to my sign indeed. Thanks for the chuckle, I need that more these days:)

  2. i've never had an accurate horoscope as a sag. and i find it hilarious that both sag and leo have non-committal stuff in them when both myself and my husband have no issues with commitment. then again, we are pretty awesome and rare.

  3. Steph, I am glad you laughed. Hope everyone else reading it feels the same way. Of course Melissa, we are special. And, I read the other day that James Cameron is a Leo and his x-wife, the producer of The Hurt Locker, Kathryn Bigelow, is a Sag. I think it also depends on other planet alignment and not just sun sign. But, Leo and Sag are cosmically good matches. Did you ever try it out with a Pisces? Thank your lucky Leo stars girl. *-*

  4. I am NOT boring !!! ;-)

    And you are right about Scorpio. LOL

    Serge - an upset Virgo.

    Talk to you soon ? Hopefully.

  5. as a scorpio...i agree utterly and completely.