Since then I have been doing a lot of thinking. What am I doing? Where am I going? Is my chosen profession really the one I should be in? Is my father going to die? Will he make it through the radiation and chemo? Am I doing enough? Should I spend more time at home with my family? Am I going to feel lonely when I get old? Who will take care of me when I get sick? Am I good enough?
Photography is my medium. I tried most of them during high school and in college but I keep coming back to photography. It's been the only thing that's gotten me through this deeply reflective and deeply poignant time. My dad had a dark room when I was a teenager and I used to mess around in it with him. I always loved his images and he has a great eye.
For many years I told myself I wasn't good enough. I compared myself to other photographers. I couldn't do what they could in Photoshop. My camera equipment was never good enough. My website wouldn't be that good. I need more models. I don't have enough images to create a website. Etc...etc...etc.
So, with a little encouragement and positive self-talk I decided to go through with it. I am in the process of creating a website (with some help from a friend). In the last two weeks I have taken photos of 4 couples and 3 individuals. I learned how to use Photoshop and perfect my images the way I wanted to and because of this have gained a lot of confidence.
If it weren't for my sadness, my anger and my self-reflection, I would not have gotten this far in such a short amount of time. Thanks, Dad.